Here goes some life updates.
It’s been a week since we had our mom admitted. It was kind of hard to admit that she was about to be admitted. It took a lot of thinking, researching, praying, saving and a dose of courage to finally be able to decide on it.
I even tried talking to a psychologist so I can mentally prepare but that didn’t end up well though.
An hour before the actual pick-up and up to the actual event, the feeling was similar to being on-alert. We wanted to smoothly execute it and have as little pain as possible for her.
It wasn’t a pretty sight.
They left and everything sunk in. All you can do is cry.
But at some point, I think that everything just works out. Even if it consists of pain, money and even mistakes.
In every mistake, there’s learning.
When we went home, our first time inahin na kambing was on her labor. And the thing is, when we came home at 2PM, we were still processing our thoughts and we were hungry.
Maybe 30 minutes later when Dad only was able to check up on his herd.
So Caldy bore 2 kids that time already, 1 of them already drowned in a basin that was left inside. That was one of the learnings.
Another one was born but seemed to be premature. We all thought that was it and we were just waiting for the placenta to come out
To cut the story short, apparently Caldy was still on labor and not just waiting for the placenta to come out. She still has an unborn kid and had to be manually extracted after more than 48 hours. She didn’t make it though. Dad woke up 3am Monday and Caldy didn’t make it. She left with 1 kid and being breastfed manually every four hours.
3 more mother goats due for labor until October.
What I’m saying is, these have kept us occupied. We wake up each day with Mama in our thoughts but the number of house tasks and work have kept us occupied.
Lila – the orphaned kid even slept at my parents’ room for a night. Dad carries the kid like a grandson. Imagine the slight stink it left in the morning. But the thing is, maybe it was his coping mechanism too. We can only ask daddy as well how he is doing, what he’s thinking with mama not here and with his prized alaga dying.
We were told of the option of inhouse facility for treatment maybe some 6 or 7 years ago but we were all just new to these concepts and horrified by the portayal of mental hospitals in the movies. All the more we are not prepared financially.
And Covid happened. And work from home became a reality which I couldn’t imagine in my wildest dream how I can work from home and be there physically available at home.
And I couldn’t help but admire my dad for being able to secure his retirement. I could see a lot of posts from adulting fb groups and I just feel blessed where my family is not a burden.
Live as if it’s your last. Or as the song goes, live like we’re dying. We should always say I love you to the people that mean a lot to us whenever we have the opportunity.
Sometimes, I try to stick this thought to my mind that our lives are just borrowed. And it’s up to us what to do with it and how to maximize it.
My brother once told us, we shouldn’t be ashamed of what’s happening. We should not let these all just spiral inside of our heads. We should learn to let people who care for us know as well. These can also be our living testimony as a family.
I pray a lot these days. I haven’t really been during the pandemic.
I am always praying for health. Health of my family. Health of friends and my friends’ loved ones.
1 more week before the month is over but it already feels like half a year.
Prayers. It is trust, faith, works. So it is true that we will eventually be there in the place of what we used to fervently pray for. Because we are there. Almost there.
ANJJ JOURNEY & JOURNALS 